Recently, a scene began to unfold at my house that has been all too familiar over the last couple of years.

Perhaps some of you can relate: My soon-to-be 4-year-old son was watching a cartoon on our tablet. I gave him a heads up that in 5 minutes, it was going to be time to put the iPad away. (Some of you can already see where this is going.) At the end of five minutes, I said, “Connor, it’s time to put the iPad away.” He glanced up at me briefly, returned his gaze to the iPad, and replied, “No, I don’t do that right now.” I persisted, “Connor, it’s time to put away the iPad. Please turn it off.” No acknowledgement from my son this time – he continued watching his cartoon as though I’d said nothing at all. In the interest of giving him one last chance to make a better choice, I said to him, “Connor, I will give you to the count of three to turn the iPad off, or I will do it for you, and you won’t see the iPad tomorrow.” I hadn’t even uttered the word “one” before my son exasperatedly crossed his arms in a defiant pose and screamed, “NO!!!”

The Hulk was awakened …   

More often than not, once Connor crosses his arms like that, a tantrum of epic proportions is what follows. For the past couple of weeks, however, my husband and I have been working on a different approach with Connor. When I saw him start to get angry, I asked him, “Are you angry right now?” This by itself is an approach – helping him to label the emotion he is experiencing before he’s too caught up in the midst of it to think and listen. With his arms still crossed and his lower lip stuck out in a distinctive pout, Connor shook his head to indicate “yes.” Then, I said to him, “What should we do when we’re angry?” He looked at me as though contemplating the question, and then slowly took in a breath through his nose. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, and continued taking in deep breaths – in through the nose, out through the mouth. With a few additional re-directing statements from my husband and I, Connor was on his way to the bathroom to get ready for bed. NO TANTRUM!

For the last two weeks, we’ve been working with Connor on deep breathing. We practice it when he’s not angry or upset, and talk about how to use it when he is. Last night, that work paid off ten-fold. Connor calmed himself down and was able to move on without all the drama and stress that often characterizes bedtime in our household. We all fell asleep happier that night.

Try It Out

Practicing deep breathing, or ‘calm breathing,’ as it is sometimes also referenced, with a young child can be challenging. Therefore, we are practicing with bubbles. If your child is like mine, he gets so excited at the sight of bubbles that he quickly blows and blows and blows, without producing many bubbles. In order to really get those bubbles flying, you have to give a long, slow and controlled exhale – the same kind used in deep breathing.

Be sure to explain to your child what you’re doing and why, otherwise, it’s just play time with bubbles. For Connor, we tell him this before we pull the bubbles out, otherwise he gets distracted by the desire to get his hands on that wand. If you can, illustrate the difference between the quick breaths and the longer ones. Your child will know they’re doing it right when they see all those bubbles floating through the air – instant gratification!

Practice Makes Perfect

As with anything else, it takes practice to get really at the deep breathing. Be sure to spend a few minutes everyday until your child gets the hang of it. If you see him start to get the hang of it and actively use it when getting upset, that’s probably a cue you can back down the amount of practicing. If some backsliding occurs, increase the frequency. Every child is different, and so is every family, so figure out what works best for you.

I truly subscribe to the ‘it takes a village’ philosophy, so please share your thoughts and suggestions for helping kids stay calm!

Additional Information

To learn more about deep breathing and other relaxation techniques for kids, check out these useful sites:

AnxietyBC
Kids Relaxation
Fit Jr. – WebMD

photo credit: The 2012 Central Canada Comic Con – Hulk via photopin (license)

Waukee YMCA hosts Pieathlon

Here they come! First they swam, then cycled and now are rounding the three-mile mark toward the finish line…right to the pie. Yes, not just the sweet personal victory at the finish but all-American dessert usually found wafting sumptuously in grandma’s kitchen, not at the Waukee Family YMCA. Triathlon plus pie equals a delicious active event this spring for a cause: the 2015 YMCA Pieathlon.

Dave Milburn founded the Pieathlon as a way of celebrating his wife, Penny, fighting a strong battle against cancer. Elements of both fitness, relationships and tradition are tied together in the event. Avid RAGBRAI riders, the couple would toast to a ride well rode by eating delicious pie with their fellow cycling friends. These friends proved one of the strongest support systems throughout Penny’s persistence and positivity after being diagnosed with cancer.

Eric Kress, executive director of the Waukee Family YMCA, said that this is seen as a beginner level tri due to the shorter distances for each part of the race and the indoor swim—400-meter swim in Waukee YMCA’s Charlotte Broderick Natatorium, 12-mile bike ride and three-mile run. This year the event is also hosting a youth triathlon featuring a 200-meter swim, five-mile bike route and one-mile run.

“Everyone who is part of the Y community benefits—especially, those that have found that a healthy lifestyle and meaningful relationships found at the Y have helped them endure through a difficult circumstance, like cancer,” Kress said.

The Marquardt Family

Jayme Marquardt and her family have experience the truth in that statement this year. Just after ringing in the brand new year, on January 6 Jayme’s husband Jason was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma after months of illness and a brief period of hospitalization. On top of this news, Jayme was at 34 weeks pregnant and at high-risk.

Between the multitudinous doctors appointments and taking care of each other, it was Jayme and Jason’s goal to keep their children’s lives as stress free as possible. Bailey, age 12, and Jase, age 6, are highly engaged with the Waukee Rays Swim Team.

“Some people could not understand why we continued to worry about getting Bailey and Jase to their swim practices each night and swim meets on the weekends, but swimming was a stress reliever for them!” Jayme said. “They needed to get out of the house and it was fun for them to be with their coaches and friends; it kept them healthy and gave them consistency in a very uncertain time.”

She added that during this difficult time the family had to accept they could not continue with regularity alone.

“Consequently, the members and staff of the Waukee YMCA and Healthy Living Center have amazed us with their generosity; they have been a huge part of our support system,” Jayme said.

Meals, donations, transpiration assistance, childcare and prayers have been offered to and appreciated by the family.

“Being the recipient of so much love has definitely been the silver lining in this situation; the YMCA is a wonderful organization and our story is just one example of how they put their values into action.”

This year proceeds from the Pieathlon will be directed toward scholarships, including Bailey and Jase to continue swim team participation.

Jason is currently continuing with chemotherapy and the family has a newborn baby girl growing quickly.

Jayme said, “This has definitely been one of the most difficult times in our lives but we are doing OK…and we can only say this because of the help and support that we have received. The YMCA has been a huge part of this and we are truly grateful!”

Register to be a part of pie in the cancer survivorship journey:

When: May 23, 2015 beginning at 7:30 a.m.

Where: Waukee Family YMCA, 210 N Warrior Ln, Waukee, IA 50263

Register: At the Waukee Y Welcome Center, by phone at 515-987-9996 or online at pieathlon.org

Price: Early bird registration through May 14 at 11:59 p.m. Individual Sprint Tri Participant, $50/$65 (after 5/14); Team Triathlon (three participants) $105/$140 (after 5/14); 

Packet Pick-up: Friday, May 22 4-7 p.m.

Info: visit pieathlon.org or call the Waukee YMCA at 515-987-9996

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